


The Pieces of Me You Hold

by SomewhatCharred



Category: RWBY
Genre: Abandonment, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13534737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomewhatCharred/pseuds/SomewhatCharred
Summary: "So tell her, tell her everything. What you felt, what you feared, why you did what you did. She won't understand if you won't let her.""And if I do? If she sees all of that and she hates me for it?"Then at least you'll have tried, but do you honestly believe she could ever truly hate you?"





	1. Facing The Sun

They stayed in the Haven dorms, with the number of Faunus Blake had brought from Menagerie there were few other places that could house them. The walk there was silent, too exhausted with too much to say, it wasn’t quite uncomfortable but still set Blake on edge. Qrow took the lead, Oscar unconscious in his arms. Ruby and Weiss followed, leaning into each other as it both convinced the they were the one holding the other up. 

Yang walked alone and Blake didn’t even try to tell herself that it wasn’t her fault, they still hadn’t spoken. Blake knew her parents were behind her, that the army that had somehow chosen to follow her was behind them but she could barely hear them.

She was tired. And what little focus she had went forwards.

Yang had her arm back on now, mechanical fingers idly flexing at her side seemingly devoid of the tension pervading the rest of her body, and she was cold. A tense Yang burned like a furnace, Blake should have felt that heat even from this distance but the chill in the air felt like a defeat. Yang had gone into that vault alone and come out alone and hadn’t really spoken yet about what had happened. That too felt like Blake’s fault.

The main entrance to the dorms appeared at long last far too quickly and Blake’s heart seized at the realisation that Yang might disappear without ever speaking to her, without Blake apologising. She called out before she could second guess herself and Yang froze, Weiss and Ruby too though only for a moment before turning and continuing back inside. Yang didn’t turn, not fully, just cocked her head slightly and waited.

“I’m sorry Yang,” her voice sounded weak even to her own ears, “I’m so...”

“Stop.” Yang turned now, her face indecipherable but only just, a language Blake had once breathed now so abruptly lost to her. “I just lost my mother. For good. Again.” Her words were hard but weary, steel tempered with resignation. “I can’t do this now.”

And then she turned again and was slipping through Blake’s fingers once again and in all the times she’d pictured this moment, tried to get it just right desperate to find those few words that might fix things somehow it had never ended like this. Never ended with Yang walking away defeated, that was her place, this was supposed to be Blake’s torment. Yang was supposed to be righteous fury, seething at Blake’s every flaw and standing victorious because Blake would always choose to face Yang’s anger rather than watch her fall again.

She was calling out again before she could stop herself. “Please Yang, this won’t get any easier.” And she hates herself for saying it, for thinking even for a moment that she should be the one making demands.

Yang’s face is a little more legible this time, flickers of red in those lilac eyes, her jaw set. “If you’re still here tomorrow,” and she seemed to swallow whatever words were to follow, simply fixing her gaze on the ground, but the damage was done, the searing pain in Blake’s chest as she realised that she’d never had to face losing Yang’s trust before, that perhaps there’d been nothing before she’d mourned so acutely. 

And then Yang was gone, and Blake was caught in place. A hand engulfed her shoulder and she all but fell into her father’s arms, hoping the army she built wouldn’t stay to watch her cry.

* * *

 

She wouldn’t sleep tonight, for all her fatigue. Her emotions and aura were drained alike but her mind refused to rest. She hadn’t expected Raven. Hadn’t expected Blake. Had hoped in vain that her mother would stay. Had never dared to hope her partner would.

The halls were alight with hushed noise, her teammates said that Blake was silent but her footsteps, like so many parts of the woman she’d once been so arrogant to think she knew best of all, were plain as day for anyone with the patience and care to find them.

“Please Blake, just let me cry in peace.” Her voice wavered now, thick with the tears she hadn’t had enough time to shed.

“Sorry, I just...” the voice was wrong and Yang started at the sound, but the woman now facing her could quite fairly be described as 'almost Blake', the same jet black hair, the same ears though these had a few adornments, the same molten gold eyes though the expression of almost reverence was new. “I’m Blake’s mother,” she continued as if she could be anyone else “I just... You’re _her_.” Gesturing with her hands as though it might explain everything.

“Blake didn’t say much, I don’t think she could bring herself to, but Sun told me what you did.” She seemed to hesitate for a moment before moving forwards and wrapping Yang in a tight hug, “Thank you. My daughter is alive because of you. Thank you so much.” Yang was frozen, today had already been too much and now to receive more affection from the mother she never knew her best friend had than she ever had from Raven. She needed to go. Needed to curl up and pretend her life hadn’t ended and restarted so many times in one evening. That she hadn’t seen Weiss impaled and then healed, Ruby knocked unconscious and revived, her mother betray her just to leave and Blake return and maybe even stay.

She gently tried to extricate herself, “It’s fine.” She mumbled, trying not to let the concern in Kali's eyes break her. “I have to go.” She barely choked it out stumbling into her room and shutting the door behind her. She could barely breathe, her sobs making futile grasps at the air as she fell onto the bed, she buried her head under the pillow and let herself unravel.

* * *

 

She shouldn’t be here, she knew that. She’d been given her own room, escorted there by her father, and yet her feet carried her to where she felt most useless. She could hear Yang tossing and turning. Could hear the dry sobs that were all that was left when a person spent all their tears. Knew she couldn’t help or heal the wounds she’d made.

'If you’re still here tomorrow,'

Blake curled up against the door and told herself that she might be able to sleep.


	2. The Grave She Dug

She woke up in a bed that reminded her so vividly of Beacon, the same hard mattress and cheap sheets that Weiss had spent months complaining about, surrounded by a scent that warmed and broke her heart all at once. Sunlight pushed through the cracks in the blinds painting harsh, bright streaks on the wall above her announcing the late morning with the unyielding enthusiasm reserved only for such celestial figures.

The room was empty and Blake knew at once that it wasn’t hers. Yang’s warmth had soaked the pillow as surely as her tears and Blake was all too familiar with both. She drew herself from the blankets agonisingly, late as the hour was her sleep had been fitful and short and an insistent part of her so desperately needed to curl back into those familiar sheets, that familiar presence, and pretend the last year hadn’t happened. That she was still safe and sound with a team she hadn’t left, a partner she hadn’t abandoned.

But there was no solace to be found in that fantasy and she wearily took in her surroundings. This must have been a teacher’s room in term time she realised, the bed she had unwittingly borrowed was the only one in the room, Yang’s coat lay discarded on the floor while her own had been folded carefully over the back of a chair. She looked down to find that she was fully clothed otherwise, the hilt of Gambol Shroud peeking out from beneath her pillow in its traditional place.

The room was largely empty otherwise, a desk beneath the window its only other furnishing. A few crumpled pieces of paper lay on the floor around it but her eyes were drawn to the surface, to the remaining half of Ember Celica shone proudly in even the sliver of sunlight it caught, its presence the reassurance Blake needed, a promise that Yang would come back for her weapon, if not for her partner.

Blake had barely climbed out of bed before she heard the latch of the door, turned to see Yang standing in the door, a steaming cup of tea in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“You’re up.” The words were delivered without inflection and on second glance Blake could see the dark rings under her partner's eyes and the not quite healthy parlour of her skin, even against the sparse hours of sleep Blake managed Yang clearly got less. “Jasmine.” She held the tea out for the Faunus to take and she winced at the twisted familiarity, identical to so many mornings at Beacon but with all the life removed.

She slipped the tea gratefully, “You brought me in here?” It's not the question she wants to ask, she wants to know why Yang seemed to think she deserved kindness after all that she’d done, Yang only nodded. “Thank you.”

Yang still hadn’t met her eyes, he gaze catching on points around the room, she studied the floor now, leaning on the edge of the desk. “I found you out there a couple of hours ago,” her brow furrowed and her hands tightened on the wooden surface but only for a moment before closing her eyes and letting out a huff of air in what could very generously be called a laugh. “You looked cold.” She said simply and shrugged like that simple act of kindness wasn’t an absurdity, like it was just what people did for those who caused them so much pain, and not for the first time Blake wondered how Yang Xio Long could possibly exist.

The silence stretched after that because how could it not? She knew this tension was hers to break but how could she even begin to make things right when every apology, every explanation she’d practiced over and over in her head seemed hollow and foolish before the manifestation of her greatest failures?

Yang saved her once again. “So you’ve been busy,” Still noncommittal, Yang had never been so difficult to read before had she? “I spoke to some of the people from Menagerie, the Princess who foiled a plot and raised an army to defend a kingdom. You’re a hero.” And Blake had never heard a sentence so sincere yet so bitter.

“I didn’t do that much really,” Blake had never coped well with complements, even from Yang, “Things just sort of happened.”

But the blonde barely seemed to hear her, “I didn’t even know you were from Menagerie, you never mentioned your parents.” Now she caught Blake’s eyes and suddenly Blake could hardly breathe. “Did I ever really know you at all?”

Blake was talking before she could stop herself, words overflowing in a fragile voice barely hers just to stop the tears gathering in lilac eyes from falling. “You knew me, you knew everything that mattered. I came to Beacon trying to forget so much just so I wouldn’t drown in my mistakes. I shared every part of me I could bare to, and always because you made me feel safe, I never meant to hide things from you.” Her voice was cracking, after bracing herself for anger, Yang’s despair was so much harder to face. “You knew me better than anyone.”

“Did I? I didn’t expect you to run.” Her eyes were downcast again, “I woke up in that hospital alone and had to hear what had happened from someone else.”

“Yang... I didn’t... I...”

“I thought you were dead!” The flash of red in her eyes was unmistakable, but it was only a flash, then they were lilac again and filled with tears. “I thought you were dead.” And Blake had failed again because those tears were falling. Yang’s posture had collapsed, a fire so abruptly extinguished, her voice barely a whisper “I thought I’d failed, that I’d gotten you killed.” And all Blake wanted was to rush across the room and hold her, try to somehow reassure her, but she was paralyzed and mute and it was only right. This was her punishment after all. Yang’s voice turned bitter, “Then I found out that you were fine, that you left. That you didn’t think I was worth sticking around for.”

“That’s not true!” A tiny part of her was relieved, this was closer at least to anger, to what she’d pictured, she knew what to say, how to explain. This pain at least was familiar. “I never wanted to leave but I had to. It was my fault Yang, you got hurt because of me. And if I’d stayed it would have happened again, I left to protect you.”

“That was never your choice to make! You think I want to be safe? You think I could live like that knowing the people I love are in danger? I stood with Ruby against Cinder and her gaggle of minions because I wanted to be there for her. I stood with Weiss against my own damn mother because that was my choice. And I tried to protect you from that lunatic knowing the risks because you were worth any cost to me!” She took a breath, mechanical fingers uncurling releasing the edge of the desk turned to splinters in their grip, “I just wanted to be worth something to you.”

“You were, you always…”

“You didn’t even come here for us did you?” Yang’s tone was empty now but her eyes bore into Blake’s and it almost broke her, “You didn’t expect us to be here, remember?” Her jaw set and tension struck through Blake’s body as if preparing for a blow. “Would you ever have come back for us?”

And Blake wants to scream, wants to shout that of course she would have, say whatever it might take but the words catch. Because she can’t lie, not now, and the fear of facing the team she failed had been so great that confronting Adam had been preferable. Would she ever have been strong enough, brave enough, to even try? Could she really say without a doubt that she could rise above her fears and confront the embodiment of her failures alone?

Too late. Even if she could resolve the difference between who she was and who she wished she could be, she had hesitated. The door slammed shut. Yang was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter! With an actual conversation in it! And it's quite possibly sadder than the last. Oops.
> 
> I'm hoping this dynamic works, though it certainly won't last, right now as much as they both must have imagined this moment neither of them was realistically prepared for the it. And as someone who obsessively rehearses hypothetical conversations I'm all too familiar with how all that falls apart with the variable of an actual person. Add to that neither of them being certain of where they stand emotionally or even where the want to stand and this first conversation was always going to be messy for them. But it serves a purpose (I hope!) so that the next time they speak the air might be that little bit clearer.
> 
> Thanks so much for the comments and please let me know how you find this chapter, how did the characters come across? Were things too vague, was the pacing OK? I really appreciate your feedback.


	3. Warmth in Snow

“You know Blake, I think I missed you the most.” After good coffee at least, finding this cafe hadn’t been nearly as difficult as convincing their illustrious leader to let her visit it. Sure she had been impaled less than 24 hours ago but she was feeling much better, Ruby couldn’t make a decent cup if her life depended on it and Weiss wasn’t going to wait around for that to change. And by the red rims and dark circles around her eyes Blake needed this even more than she did.

“You can’t tell Ruby I said this of course but sometimes she is a little too much.”

Blake’s mouth twitched, it was the closest she had come to a smile since Weiss found her alone in Yang’s room staring at an all too familiar gauntlet. “You like that about her.” Her voice was worse for wear too, more scratchy than husky, but her walls however cracked were still in place and held firm against the withering stare Weiss gave in retort.

“Well fine, maybe I do but that doesn’t change the fact that I missed you. You remind me a little of my sister, serious and stern but kind, and a little of Klein, the little things you do for people all while hiding them away and never taking the credit.”

Blake simply looked confused by her heartfelt confession and Weiss wondered why she was always called the emotionally repressed one. “Who’s Klein?”

Well now the confusion made more sense, “He’s my butler.”

Now Blake was smiling the kind of smile that reminded her that cats were all predators at heart, “Of course he is.” Her tone deadpan but tired eyes alight with amusement.

“What? He looked after me when I was a child, he’s one of my closest friends, Blake stop laughing at me!” To her credit Blake did make an effort to compose herself, but in the end simply chose to hide her mouth behind her own teacup. “What I’m trying to say is that you remind me of the few nice moments in my childhood, those little pockets of familiar happiness and therefore I miss you. Those sisters on the other hand are like nothing I’ve ever come across, a whole new kind of happiness.” Blake looked shocked now, why people always seemed so surprised whenever she said something nice was beyond her. “Ruby is tiring though, probably would’ve sat by my bed all night holding my hand if her uncle hadn’t dragged her away to treat her concussion. And Yang...” Blake flinched at the name and a piece of Weiss’s heart broke, those two had been the perfect partnership and almost inseparable, but clearly time had done a poor job of healing whatever wound lay between them. Determination set in next, Weiss might know little about healing and even less about friendship but this simply would not stand.

“She talked about you, when we first got to Mistral, got all 'red eyes' about it.”

Blake brought her knees up to her chin, and Weiss tried not to think about how she’d need to wipe footprints off the leather seats for her own sanity and instead focus on the fragility of her friends voice. “She has every right to be angry.”

“She wasn’t though, not really. She might act it to protect herself but deep down she’s just hurt.”  

“You say that like it’s better.” Weiss sighed internally, last time Blake had run herself this ragged only Yang had been able to talk her down, somehow that seemed unlikely this time.

“It means she still cares, even if she might not want to. It means that no matter what might have happened she still loves you and as long as she does reconciliation is still possible if you just try.” And the word has Blake tense up and Weiss knows she’s struck a nerve, because of course Blake believes herself unlovable, the feeling wasn’t all that alien to Weiss herself though she’d always had her sister to stop her from completely falling over the edge. Blake had spent years alone with a monster, she didn’t know how to heal scars like that but Blake deserved the chance and Weiss knew no one better suited to help her than Yang. She had faith in her team.

“I don’t know if that’s possible, there’s too much I didn’t do, to much I didn’t say.” Because of course Blake thought it was all her fault.

"So tell her, tell her everything. What you felt, what you feared, why you did what you did. She won't understand if you won't let her."

"And if I do? If she sees all of that and she hates me for it?" Blake is staring intently into her cup now, wavering on the edge of a decision.

“Then at least you'll have tried, but do you honestly believe she could ever truly hate you?"

That damn resolve snapped back in place, “She should. I can’t let her back in, it’s still too dangerous.” Molten the gold eyes turned solid.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing’s changed Weiss! Adam’s still out there, still dangerous. He promised that he’d take away everything I love, promised that he would kill Yang. How can I let her close again knowing I’m just pushing her further into the firing line?” She was almost shouting now and Weiss wished she’d done this somewhere with a bit more privacy, nevertheless, taking a deep breath she spoke.

“Blake. You are one of the most intelligent people I know and you’ve achieved so much so I hope you won’t be offended when I tell you that that was the single dumbest thing you have ever said.” Weiss knows immediately that it was the right thing to say. Blake leans forward, distraught but intent, that desperate hope to be wrong when every option you see is terrible. “Did you forget who we’re talking about? That girl burned a trail across Mistral to find her sister, through Grimm infested forests and the heart of the most notorious bandit clan on the continent. And she did it not because Ruby asked, but because that’s simply what she does for the people she loves. You can’t change her.” No matter how close Blake looked to tears Weiss continued, “Yang will face Adam again, for herself as well as for you, nothing you can do will stop her. You don’t get to decide that. You can only decide whether you’ll stand with her when that time comes, or if you’ll make her face him alone.”

 “It’s not right.  She shouldn’t do this.” The, ‘I’m not worth it’ was left unsaid but Weiss heard it all the same.

“But she will. She’s stubborn, you like that about her. Adam wants to take everything from you? If you push Yang away now, he wins. You might still defeat him eventually but you will have hurt Yang and yourself more than he ever could.” Weiss watched Blake’s walls crumble. She was wavering again, searching for an answer, “Fight him Blake. But fight him together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weiss' POV is pretty fun to write, she seems to have a no-nonsense attitude when it comes to other peoples problems that I found quite cathartic. 
> 
> Maybe this should've been longer, they certainly had more to discuss, but I'm trying to keep these chapters focused. Blake's main obstacle is not her guilt here, though it's a big part of it, it's that she has to believe her decision to leave was right or she'll crumble, and if the decision was right back then it must still apply now. She can't even try to let Yang back into her life if she's not sure she wants to. So that is what Weiss tries to tackle, but she knows that anything further will have to come from the Bees themselves. But she believes in her team.
> 
> Let me know what you think, I really appreciate all your feedback.


	4. Worthy of Her Name

Home had always been an elusive concept for Yang. She might have grown up in that quaint, one might even say homely, log cabin but the years spent alone caring for a toddler only 2 years younger than herself while her father avoided her, haunted the place. She had hoped once to find that unattainable safety at Beacon, a wider family formed from choice rather than blood. But she'd been framed, crippled and abandoned. Those hallways were gutted by fire now, tainted by betrayal and death.

She’d been told before that home might be found in the people around her, that perhaps she should look to her sister or her friends for a home, maybe with them she could find that intangible sense of security and belonging. Though people who’d stand by her, no matter what, seemed just as elusive.

Perhaps some people were fated to be alone, to wander and help and smile but never settle.

She didn’t want to be here, but she owed an apology and she would face the consequences of her actions, no matter how minor, especially now. She would be as far from her mother as she could.

In the light of day Kali Belladonna looked very little like her daughter. Her jewellery drew the eyes to the ears Blake kept hidden. The colour scheme might be the same but the gold trim and formal style ran opposite to her daughter’s. Kali intended to be seen, a visible leader and diplomat of her people, while Blake disappeared into the shadows.  

She was very much the diplomat now, gracefully handling the representative of the Mistral Council only now catching wind to the attempted terrorist attack and subsequent foreign counter invasion that had taken place under their noses, Yang waited for her to finish before approaching.

“Mrs Belladonna? I just wanted to apologize for blowing you off before,” Yang doesn’t try to close the distance, she might want to clear the air but she wasn’t in the mood to talk now any more than she had been then, “You were just saying thank you and I was pretty rude.” A nod from the older woman and that was that, Yang turned to leave.

“She ran away didn’t she?” The Huntress froze as recent pain flared through her, “She never really explained what happened at Beacon but I put the pieces together as best as I could. And that look in your eyes is very familiar.” Footsteps approached and Yang turned to face the woman curiosity across her face at the Faunus’ words “Blake didn’t talk about us did she?”

Yang shook her head, “She never mentioned you, I’d actually always assumed she was orphaned.” And winced at her choice of words, but Kali simply laughed, though it sounded more than a little hollow.

“Yes, that sounds about right, she probably thought she’d orphaned herself.” A look passed across the mother’s face so quickly Yang barely caught it. “She didn’t really talk about you either, I wouldn’t take it personally. She’s endured too much pain that daughter of mine, she’s cagey about all of it but the things she blames herself for? Those she holds closest of all.”

“She doesn’t have to.” Yang’s voice was tired, she’d trod this ground before after all.

“She doesn’t.” Kali agreed “But I don’t think she’s ever believed that. She’s struggled to trust from a very young age, us raising her in the White Fang probably didn’t help, I think she trusted you as much as she was able to.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Her voice only a few shades from accusing.

Kali looked thoughtful for a moment, “I want what’s best for my daughter, she cares for you a great deal and you were prepared to die to save her.” She shrugs as if it were obvious and simple, as if it didn’t mean everything. As if that singular moment hadn’t irrevocably changed the course of their lives. “I must return to Menagerie soon. I can’t stay by her side and protect her, but you can, I know she wants you there, and perhaps it’s selfish of me but a mother has to do what she can.”

The words hit too close and Yang’s mood soured further. “Well I wouldn’t know, and Blake doesn’t want me with her. She left me. Just like _my_ mother.”

Kali’s face flickered for a moment before settling on the sympathy that always seemed to set Yang on edge. “I’m sorry, I should have phrased that better.”

“You didn’t know.” Though her tone was more terse than forgiving.

“I did actually.” Yang looked up at her, “I didn’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to know more about you and I didn’t think you’d speak to me so I asked your uncle about you. And I only know what he told me, but I don’t think Blake is anything like her.”

“They both left me. When I needed them most they left.” Her voice is hard, she just wants this conversation to end so she can be alone again. She needs time, doesn’t she? Time to heal from all of this, she couldn’t face Blake while she felt this weak.

“They did. But why? Qrow says that your mother is motivated by fear and self interest, she left you because it was easiest for her. Blake is a creature of belief, she only does what she believes is right. What’s best for other people. She just doesn’t always think to ask those people before she decides.”

“Does it matter?” And damn her composure, she was hurt and didn’t know how to heal. Why did people insist on forcing her to open up. “They both left!” She felt her eyes turn red, saw the reflection in eyes so painfully similar to her partner’s. That stops her dead, she can’t stand the sight of her own eyes like that especially not now, she takes a breath and when she speaks again her voice is quiet. “The end result is the same.”

“No. If she believes that staying with you is the right thing to do then she’ll never leave your side,”

No matter how thoughtfully placed the knife slid deeper. And it hurt. Anger was so much easier than hope but both left her feeling bitter. “So what? I just forgive and forget? Never mind how she broke my heart when I was at my lowest point because this time it might be different.”

“Do you think you might ever forgive her?”

A part of Yang wanted to say no, so much seemed to be taken from her or decided for her that to hold on to this, to hold on to anything even resentment if only because it was hers, seemed like the only scrap of control she had left. But holding a grudge was pointless, and lying about it more so, she sighed. “I don’t think forgiveness is the problem, trust is. How can I open myself up again knowing that she’ll leave again?”

Kali was silent for a moment, she looked out over the waterfalls by the courtyard to the city and the sea below. “When she left us she screamed and shouted, called us cowards and ran willingly into the arms of that psychopath, if you’d asked me then to trust that one day she’d not only return fight back, rally her people and lead an army against him I don’t know if I could have done it. But when she returned, stronger and more fragile than ever, and I saw how she’d changed and grown? Then I could believe it.” Kali turned to her and gave a small smile, tinged with sadness but unmistakably proud. “What I’m trying to say is that trust only ever moves forwards. It can’t be repaired, only forged anew. I’m not asking you to trust the girl who ran but to get to know the woman who fought back and see if she might be someone you that you could come to trust in time.”

“You really think she’ll stay this time?” She was a little girl again, alone in the woods and terrified, frozen but looking for any sign that she might make it out alive.

Kali nodded, “She’s a creature of belief and she’s only now starting to believe in herself. Perhaps I’m biased but I think she’s capable of anything, staying by the side of people she loves shouldn’t be difficult.” Her mouth quirked in an unburdened smile at that but Yang’s face only fell.

“And if the problem is me?” Her fears spilled out, “No one has ever stayed before. My mom, Summer, dad and even Ruby. They all left me in their own ways. What if it’s me? What if I’m just not worth staying for.” Silent tears rolled down her cheeks, not sadness so much as the recognition of inevitable defeat.

“I don’t think I can help you there.” Yang’s shoulders dropped and Kali spoke carefully, “I don’t know the whole story, and I can’t comment on anyone else, but Blake didn’t leave you because of you, her fears overwhelmed her hope and she didn’t know what else to do. She ran because she didn’t trust herself to protect you any other way. The wounds you’ve suffered will take time to heal, but you shouldn’t let them stop you from moving forwards. And if you want Blake by your side as you do so then you owe it to yourself to try.” Kali moved forwards and placed her hand on Yang’s shoulder. “In the end it’s your choice, you have to decide whether this is a battle worth fighting. All I ask is... Please don’t hurt her.”

“I don’t want to, I never wanted to. But I don’t know how to fix this.” She could feel her hand trembling, that reoccurring weakness spreading through her, “I’m scared.”

Kali moved to embrace her now and Yang all but fell into her arms, Kali’s hand gently rubbing her back, soothing comfort from the mother she’d wished for but never believed she deserved. “That’s okay, you’re allowed to be.”

And perhaps she was, perhaps she could only face Blake when she was this weak, to set this broken bone and accept the pain rather than let it heal crooked. “What if I get it wrong?” The words mumbled into the Faunus' shoulder, “What if I get hurt again?”

“Then you do it surrounded by people who love you. They’ll take care of you, and I’ll be here for you whatever you choose.” And against every self-protective instinct Yang trusted her, and perhaps found the will to trust once more, “I owe you everything after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the one I was most exited to write, the one I felt had to most potential. So inevitably it's the one I'm perhaps least happy with. It might just be the perfectionist in me or the fact that Kali isn't nearly as developed as the other characters I've used so far (which is fair as I'd only really used the title characters up to this point) but this didn't sit quite right with me, but if I don't post it now I'll end up sitting on it for a week or two so here we are. That said if I could have one wish granted in Volume 6 (other than a focused and extensive Bumbleby reconciliation arc) it'd be for these two to have at least one conversation. There's just so much here I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of what these two could offer each other.
> 
> Fun Fact: The chapter title isn't so much a reference to Yang as an allusion to Kali being the only effective mother team Ruby has left, given Summer's death, Weiss' mother's alcoholism and Raven being, well, Raven. So I guess it should be 'Worthy of Her Title' but this sounds better.
> 
> I really appreciate all of the comments you guys have left, the response to this has been kind of astounding. Just one chapter left to go!


	5. The Pieces of Us We Kept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small trigger warning: There is some discussion of abusive relationships in here, it's not graphic and it's pretty brief but it's there.

Though loath to use a cliché, it was the same but different. She found herself outside Yang’s doorway once more, her feet carried her here with only minimal protest this time, but the door was ajar. Yang was on her bed as before but sitting up this time tinkering with the mechanical innards of her arm in the dim light of the setting sun. Blake stood, fixed to the spot, paralyzed by guilt and hope and despair, because despite the differences it was the same and it felt so much like a second chance that she was too afraid to take, an opportunity to take control of something, perhaps everything, and she was still. Caught in the difference between not running away and moving forwards. Wondering if she could do this alone, a chorus of loved ones telling her she didn’t have to, a glimmer of gold telling her that she never did.

“You can come in Blake.” Yang didn’t look up, and for a moment Blake wondered if she’d gotten louder in her self-imposed exile, or if Yang somehow could simply sense whenever she was close. “We should talk.” Of course it sounded simple when Yang said it. Blake pushed open the door and took her place by the desk, a reflection or perhaps the photo-negative but not a repeat, not if she could just be brave this time.

Silence stretched. “Does it hurt?” Blake’s eyes were fixed on Yang’s arm, technologically marvellous and beautifully customised and utterly unnecessary if not for Blake.

Yang tensed at the question but only for a moment, “Sometimes. I get pins and needles and phantom sensations where the nerves used to be.” She sighed and flicked the open panel closed screwdriver disappearing somewhere. “Mostly it just aches where they fixed it to the bone”

“I’m s-”

“No.” Yang looked up now her eyes still lilac but filled with chaotic intensity, a swirling storm of emotion. She gestured to her prosthetic, “This is not on you. It was his attack and my decision. You don’t get to take that from me.” Blake’s breath caught but Yang continued before she could retort. “I need you to believe that Blake, there’s enough between us without misplaced guilt.”

She paused at that, she held guilt closer than secrets after all, to let go of something so intrinsic, even if it was parasitic, might just be beyond her. But she would try. For Yang. For herself. “I wanted to explain.”

“Explain what?”

Blake’s eyes bored into the floor and words dried up as the enormity of what she wanted pressed down on her. When she spoke again it was barely a whisper. “Everything.”

She drew a shaky breath. No more secrets. “I met Adam when I was young, too young, I think, to understand. I told you before that he changed slowly but the more I think about it the more I wonder if that’s really true. Right from the start he used me. He hurt me and made me feel like my only purpose was through him, like I was worthless without him. And I believed him. I thought that he was right about everything. I mistook spite for justice, anger for strength and let him isolate me from everyone else till I couldn’t leave him because I had nowhere to go.” Her vision had blurred too much to make out Yang even if she had have had the courage to look at her, so that all encompassing warmth took her by surprise. She sunk into Yang’s arms, too distraught to remember that she didn’t deserve this, and let her partner hold her as treacherous tears fell from her eyes.

“That’s who I was.” She mumbled into Yang’s shoulder, arms still hanging by her sides not daring to return affection she had no right to. “When you met be at Beacon I was just pieces, trying to be better and maybe undo some of the damage I’d let him use me to do but never hoping.” Blake pulled back meetings Yang’s eyes even as the blonde's hands ran down her arms to take her own.

 “You put me back together in a way I never dreamed possible. You and Ruby and Weiss and everyone else but you most of all. And then he...” Her eyes flicked around the room avoiding Yang’s gaze, she swallowed thickly. “He took away the only safe place I had despite all the security. He beat me and taunted me and I couldn’t do anything. He hurt you. He promised to kill everyone I love and I... I’d never seen him fail. I knew I couldn’t stop him, I didn’t think anyone could, how else could I protect you.” She knew she’d been wrong, missed something in the calculation and found the wrong answer despite all the agonising thought she’d put into the decision, but even now she struggled to see how, even now saying it aloud it still seemed like the only option, the least of the evils too great for her to fight or face. “I’m so sorry. I was alone, I didn’t know what to do, or even what else I could do.” At some point Yang had gently drawn her across the room and sat her on the bed, she drew her in now resting Blake’s head in the crook of her neck and rubbing soothing circles across her back. “I just needed you to be okay.” Selfishly she curled deeper into Yang’s warmth, too weak to stop herself taking comfort she’d long lost the right to.

“It’s okay Blake.” She tried to shake her head, dark hair further obscuring her face, but a warm hand cupped her cheek and brought her up to soft lilac, blurry through her own tears but still too kind. “It is.” A breath. Deliberate. Preparing for something. “I forgive you.” Preparing for everything. “I forgive you for leaving.” Shaky but certain and yet all Blake could feel was confusion.

“You can’t...” Could she? The full scope of Blake’s own guilt warring with her faith in Yang’s honesty.

“I can.” Yang spoke with a smile defiantly shining if a little dimmed by sorrow, the turned serious. “When you left I was so angry. But more than that I was scared. Scared that the problem was with me, scared that I’d never meant anything to you at all. That I was as worthless as my mother leaving made me feel. And I’m sorry, because I judged you, and I didn’t know.”

Years of slow betrayal festered in the back of Blake’s mind, unable to accept even a gift she’d so longed for, “Things can’t just be okay?”

“Of course they’re not okay. I trusted you Blake, I thought I knew you and I didn’t.” Her voice was quiet, much softer than her words, “And I want you back in my life because despite everything you’re my partner and I still care about you, but how can I do that? I’m tired of being hurt, of being left behind.” That note of defeat was in her voice again, and Blake would do almost anything to banish it, but she wouldn’t lie.

Blake lifted her head, she had to look into those eyes, needed her to know. “I want you in my life too. I wish I could say something, find the right words, so you could trust me but I don’t. I’ll try, with all of my heart, I want to promise you that I’ll never leave but this scares me too. I don’t know if I can gather that much faith in myself.” She broke their gaze, eyes falling but staying on Yang, taking her in like it was the last chance she’d have. “I’m not as strong as you.”

“I don’t feel strong.” Yang’s voice was slow, thick with emotion as if the words were dragged out of her. “I feel weaker than ever.” Blake’s eyes fell to her partner’s hand, it was trembling and guilt rushed though her again, “I’m afraid, all of the time.”

“But you’re still here.”

Yang nodded slowly, her cheek brushing Blake’s ear. “So are you.” The words are more of a challenge than an admission, Yang’s prosthetic slips from its place on Blake’s back and pulls her closer. “You’re so much stronger than you let yourself think. I always believed that. I still do.” Those last words a whisper but Blake hears it all.

“I don’t deserve that.” She was falling, so sure this was where she needed to be but still terrified, expecting at any moment for all of this to crumble to dust.

“Maybe not. But it’s true.” She had nothing to say to that, no further argument in the face of genuine belief. Yang had nothing to add either it seemed, she simply leant into Blake her head resting atop her partner’s as time lost its hold on them.

The sun finished its decent and plunged the room into darkness, faint pale light from the shattered moon the only illumination left. Yang’s body started to slump and Blake moved to lay her down, covering her with the blanket and making to stand. A hand stopped her, fingers cautiously but insistently intertwining with her own, and a voice, barely a whisper, somewhere between a plea and a question.

“Will you be here? When I wake up? Will you stay?”

And that was the heart of it really. The final question. The one that counted. And it wasn’t fair, like dangling her every wish in front of her and telling her it was as easy as facing her fears, to facing her failures and pain, knowing that it was something she could never do alone.

But she wasn’t alone. Not until she let go of that hand. And maybe with that warmth she could face it all. Maybe she could fight not just those trivial things, a world of prejudice and a man consumed by spite, maybe she could fight her own doubts and insecurities and self loathing. Crying and screaming all the while, weak and afraid and propped up by someone who inexplicably loved her but fighting all the same. Maybe that’s what strength looked like.

She stood firm. She ran forwards. She let go and embraced the fall.

She let Yang’s gentle grip bring her down and surrendered, the whispered word on her lips a promise, the only one that mattered.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this my goal for it wasn't really defined, but the more I wrote the more difficult the ending became. I wanted it to be a conclusion that at least I felt satisfied with but there was so much pain between them it quickly became clear that a happy ending, at least in the traditional 'kiss and ride into the sunset' sense, wasn't really possible without giving both characters time, more time than I really wanted to show. 
> 
> So that goal changed. It became less about the 'happily ever after' and more about making that ending inevitable. Are they 'together together' at the end of this. No. But they're both committed to facing their fears and forging that relationship anew and so, at least from my point of view, a deeper relationship is the only natural progression. That important decision has already been made. In the same way that Yang decided, age 5 and freshly saved by Qrow after almost leading her sister to her death, that Ruby would always be more important to her than Raven. It's why she never hesitates in the bandit camp, that decision has already been made and she's just playing out that commitment.
> 
> That's what I was trying to get across here, and what became the climax, that this is the moment they commit to each other and anything that follows will be decided in accordance with that. Did it work?
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this and to everyone who commented, writing this has been such a rewarding experience largely because of you guys. Now to try and write something happier so I can stop crying on my keyboard.

**Author's Note:**

> Usually when I write something I spend months obsessing over it in my head before it ever forms physical words, then it passes through a bunch of drafts which each take weeks for me to type up. 
> 
> I wrote most of this during a quiet shift at work today and the rest on the train home. I don't know why I do this to myself.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Did I get the characters right? Was the language too flowery? Not flowery enough? Should I have at least proof read it before posting?


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